Heaven on Earth.

9 years ago today, I lost a good friend, Haley Victoria April Urbin, to be exact, 3, 285 days have passed since she has gone. We were the ripe age of 14. I will spare you the details of her tragic death, but all I will say is it was a life taken too soon. This particular event has shaped my life and I truly believe has made me the woman I am today. Haley was a joy, teachers loved her. Girls wanted to be friends with her. And all the guys wanted to date her. She was surrounded by friends, came from a great family, and she always had a smile on her face. I spent a lot of time with Haley my freshmen year of high school. We were on the same sports teams, and I can still hear her laugh in my head 9 years later. People like that--who leave long lasting impressions in your brain are unforgettable. 

9 years ago seems like a long time, but its funny on this day I go back to those feelings I had at 14. I remember that it was shocking, I remember where I was when I found out. I remember who I got the call from. Memories are so vivid, I can close my eyes and watch it like a movie. Like a movie that is so unreal, so unfair, so unjust. And then I open my eyes are realize its true life. I struggled for a long time trying to make sense of God's decision to take Haley from this earth. But I know that if anything this single event I witnessed in my life, has changed me. The event of Haley passing shaped my life forever.  

The years of adolescence are tough. It is trying new things, fitting in with friends, and finding yourself. After Haley passed, I think it had put a fear in me. Maybe not a fear of dying or something bad happening. But I just didn't want to put my life in any sort of circumstance that it could be taken away. Watching Haley's family and all our friends go through every emotion and the grief cycle was heartbreaking. My heart still aches for her family and all of my old friends. 

Haley's life and death allowed me to realize that life is short. Sometimes it can be years, days or even just a blink of an eye. Through out my life I have realized that God has a plan and purpose for everyone's life. Even though Haley only had 14 years on earth she has an eternity in heaven. Sometimes I wonder if a person's death is the purpose of their life. To teach a hundred, twenty, or even one person to live their life to the fullest. I can truly say that Haley was heaven on earth. She had angel wings long before she could crawl, walk, or run. She had an angelic presence. A beautiful smile, and a contagious laugh. Although her days were numbered, Her life will always be remembered. I thank her for changing my life, for being my guardian angel. Every time I drive by the spot where she was struck, I kiss my hand then pat my rooftop. I have been doing that for 9 years. My kisses to heaven will never stop.  

Rest In Peace My Friend

Answered Prayers.

God is Good.

If I read this 20 years from now, whether or not I still talk or have contact with my friend Steve Johnson, I just want to take the time to document how proud I am of him today. I met Steve about 6 months ago while I was visiting my best friend in Baltimore. She lives with him and I knew when I met him we automatically clicked. We have the same humor, I am witty and he is sarcastic. We laughed a lot that weekend, even tried to catch a mouse in the house. But the point of the story is that he loves baseball. He plays for a living. 

Not many people I know:

1. Make a good living doing what they love

2. Love what they do for a living.

 Steve loves it. He breathes it. He probably goes to bed thinking about what will make him better, stronger, faster. And wakes up with solutions to those thoughts.  He has been playing AAA minors for the past 7 years. When I met him in February it was the last weekend before he left for spring training. I told him before he left that this was the year he waited for, that he would go pro! Most men I know would have given up their dream if 7 years had passed and they still hadn’t made it to the big leagues. I respect Steve for never giving up, for keeping his dream alive. Ever since the day I met him I have prayed that no matter what God’s plan for his life that he would never lose the love of the game. And that whatever God’s plan was for his life that he would accept it and find peace in his journey. Steve has been dead set on making it to the MLB, there was no other choice. No other plan. No other option. Now if that doesn’t shout dedication I don’t know what does.

            About 3 weeks ago Steve made his Major league debut. I couldn’t believe it. (I mean I could but at the same time I was in awe.) I couldn’t believe it because the Detroit Tigers were playing Baltimore Orioles that Sunday. So little ol me who watches from the suburbs of Detroit could see my friend make his first Major League Debut. I knew that had to have been a God thing, that I would be able to witness him take the mound and go pro. After that he went back down to pitch AAA. Until tonight. Steve Johnson took the mound for the Baltimore Orioles and he proved that he deserves a spot on that 40 man roster, let alone their pitching rotation. He went 6 innings with 9 strike outs. Out of the 97 pitches he pitched, 67 were strikes. Pretty impressive for a rookie.

Doin what he does best!

If you know anything about me, you probably know that I have a big faith. I pray a lot. I talk to God all day long, even when he doesn’t talk back. I have learned to be patient for those answers, to be patient to wait for God to talk back. Just like Steve waited 7 years for his dreams to finally come true. It may take a second, a day, a month or even years for your prayers to be answered but sometimes that’s all it takes. Patience is quite the virtue in the waiting game of praying. Sometimes all life is --is a test. A test to see whether we will wander away from God or whether we will go to him with whatever challenge we are facing. It really is just a matter of pass or fail.

           

            Today I thank God and the Baseball Gods for giving my friend a chance to watch his dreams come true and also letting him pass the test. 

A Good Place.

Have you ever had the feeling that you were meant to be where you were at that very moment? Like everything was in line? The feeling that no matter where you are going or wherever you have been, nothing is holding you back from where you will be. 

I am someone who tries to trust their gut, their instinct. I have also learned how to listen to what my head is saying, but follow the feelings in my heart. I am a deep thinker and most times it back fires. But on occasion my thoughts will take me to a place where I come to realizations. When this happens I am usually driving, windows down, shades on, hair blowing and jamming to a good song. I let my mind wander. Sometimes I even just put myself on auto and find myself in places that I never would have been. 

I am rambling.

I apologize.

I have been working so much that when actually have a minute to sit down and think, I end up rambling. But this post as supposed to be about being in a good place. A safe place. I have everything in order, everything in place for now. I have 8 class left, and then student teaching. I have two great jobs, God has surrounded me with people that I am very grateful for. Life just feels right.

Have no fear! the SOCK BUN is here!

Ever have a morning when you push the snooze button 16 times, convince yourself that your shower can wait until tomorrow, and that those leggings you wore yesterday will suffice for today too?

I know I have, quite often actually. But then as I am flustered and running around trying to get stuff together I realize my hair is a mess. Welp, have I got news for you that will send those worries runnin for the hills, drum roll please....Have no fear! The SOCK BUN is here!

This style is super quick and easy to do.

This picture above is the first day I actually learned how to do it. I was laying in bed on pinterest clearly getting ready like I should have been. So I did a little pinteresting and found this little gem. All you have to do is pull your hair back into a ponytail, take an old sock (cut the toe off and then roll it up until it resembles a donut.) Pull your pony straight up in the air and put the end of your pony in the open hole of the donut. Simultaneously roll the sock donut down as you tuck the ends of your hair under the donut. When you roll it all the way down, VIOLA! A Sock Bun!

Helpful Hints:

• Since I have layers my hair frays sometimes, I find that using water to wet the ends of my hair makes rolling the donut down easier and I have less frayed ends.
•  I also find that using a few bobbi pins helps keep my little sock bun in place for all day playtime with no worries.
 

 Whether you are going to work, running errands, a party or for a walk the sock bun is a for sure way to look regal but relaxed and it stays all day!

Soulmates & Such

Written on 7.12.12

I had this brilliant thought today driving home from work. Probably led from recent events of love, or lack there of. In a perfect world every single person would have a soul mate.

[A soulmate (or soul mate) is believed by some to be the person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity, similarity, love, sex, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, or compatibility.]

Now we all know and understand that this world is indeed anything but perfect. So my thoughts started flowing and I quickly came to the question of; can you have more than one soul mate? I mean is it possible to have more then one person you consider your soul mate in your lifetime. Or even at any given moment that One could have strong feelings for what they believe to be their soul mate? Not just sex, but that reach-for- the-stars-over-the-fence-world-series-kind-of-stuff. After all there is 6,894,594,844 people in this big ol’ world. Who’s to say we all don’t have multiple soul mates walking around waiting to meet each other every single day? How does one know that they just walked by them, that they’ve been walking by them every single day. What happens if you meet your so-called soul mate and they have already met theirs?

            I recently bumped into one of my exes. I always knew he was a keeper but for some reason I just wasn’t ready to let my heart go. I kept him waiting for far too long. For years I listened to him confess his love for me “I knew the moment I saw you walking into Cj’s house in yogas and your hair up and messy that I would love you,” and I just listened. I never reciprocated. I loved him. But I can admit I was never in love with him. (phew! Confessions, This is getting deep) After I ran into him this past week, I received a text that told me how great I looked and how happy I seemed. Of course I felt the same way about him. We continued to small talk, “how are yous?” and such.

[And for a single moment I fluttered into fantasy land. Where I pictured my life with him forever and how cute our interracial babies would be, and how I would be so happy with my overly attractive husband.]

For a split second I got my hopes up. Until I got this one,

[Welp, I got married a little bit ago, end of may. And we are expecting our first at the end of the year.]

I am pretty sure five minutes passed before I was able to pick my jaw up from the wooden floor that was below me. My hopes were quickly sailing away on the same damn boat that He was on. Waving goodbye. Forever.

Married? What. The. Hell.

Don’t get me wrong, I was and still am very happy for him. He is one of the most beautiful human beings I have ever met, Full of God’s grace, accepting anyone under any circumstance, judgement free, and caring to the bone. I wish him the very best and have no doubt he will make her the happiest wife and be the most encouraging and proudest father.

My question arises. Can people have more than one soul mate? In this day in age, people date into their early-mid thirties before they even settle down and get married. So can you go through life falling in love with multiple different people at different times? When do the feelings of “He/She is the one who got away” go away? And do you ever feel secure enough to settle down and get married yourself? Maybe all these questions are directed to myself. Maybe I am the only one pondering these questions that boggle my brain and put me in a headlock of love. But then again, considering there is over 6 billion people on this earth I cant be the only one right?